When money and stupidity collide.

They say money can't buy happiness. However, there are things that money can buy. As it turns out, a complete and total loss of dignity is one of these things. This week a new horror was brought to my attention. This is a product made by a company that usually produces bicycle child trailers. The sort that you normally see poorly secured to rusting Trek hybrids with children half asleep and haphazardly strapped in looking like miniature Steven Hawkings. However, with this one they have really outdone themselves. Its a trailer for dogs, with an optional stroller configuration (as pictured). Words cannot describe the utter stupidity of this device. The best description I can come up with is "aggressively terrible."



Do you enjoy walking your dog but hate the convenience and simplicity of a leash and collar? Do you find that a heavy wallet weighs you down so much that you cannot put in the miles you want to? Are you fearful that your pet might actually get some exercise on a walk? Are you sick and tired of people not laughing, pointing, and photographing you and your pet when you are out in public together? Are you a complete fucking retard? If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, this abomination might just be right up your alley. After you have purchased your dog, paid for the vaccinations, adoption fees, tags, toys, hundreds of pounds of food per year, soaps, brushes, vitamins, repairs or replacements of rugs and furniture, and no doubt piles of festive seasonal clothes...you can now push it around town like it's a dandy little 6Th century Chinese emperor. You fool.

holy crap its an update

I know that there are literally tens of people out there who anxiously await my next shitty weekly update. I apologize for being a tad late with this one. You see the holidays are generally a rough few weeks for me.




I recently came upon a horror that is becoming all too common. The backwards fork craze is really sweeping through the 10 years old and under crowd. These mods are popping up everywhere. With this particular bike however, the blind cripple who assembled it also opted for the "vertically mounted brake pad" look. The backward fork obscures this set up from all but the most discerning admirers. Brilliant.




Its good to see that though the bike was modded, the builder had the foresight to warn any riders of the dangers associated with riding a backward fork- vertical brake mounted bike.

Many people (none) have told me they feel I was too hard on the Chinese last week. In order to appease our future overlords, I would like to make it up to them. While on my latest bicycle horrors content gathering expedition to Xi'an China, I discovered this gem. (The budget for this blog is shockingly immense.) It appears that the good people of China choose not to concern themselves with being "weight weenies." When weighing the pros and cons of carbon vs. titanium vs. aluminum forks they just said, fuck it, I'm using rebar.




Nothing you own comes close to the street cred gained by riding a bike made primarily of discarded construction materials.

Made with pride

A dirty shiftless hippy named Bob Dylan once said, "the times they are a changin." This has never been more true than in the case of today's bicycle industry. Just a few years ago any savvy customer had his choice of a variety of bikes made right here in the US of A. These bikes were crafted by hard working men with names like "Roy" and "Bill." Guys who put in a hard days work and took pride in the end product. Well, things change. Slowly but surely, the production of bike frames has all but vanished from our area of the world. Gone to some far off place called China, Japan, or that other place I cant remember the name of because they don't have any restaurants in the foodcourt at my local mall. Anyways, its all the same. Unlike some, I can accept this change, and have found that the quality of the product has not suffered terribly. Some minor finishing touches appear to be getting overlooked.

shaping up to be a rough week.

On the way into the shop this Monday I wondered where I might find enough material to update this page with fresh horrors. Well wouldn't you know it, but hanging in my work stand was this fresh hell. A 16 inch Magna "Major Damage." As in "I'm sorry Mr. Smith, but due to the crash caused by the backwards fork on your kids bike he now has 'major damage' to his frontal lobe and will never speak again."

A bird in bike is worth......

The honor of first horror goes to this comfort bike that came into the back room this summer. The customer was having shifting issues and just couldn't figure it out. Upon discovery of the adult sparrow (deceased) lodged between the chainrings and frame, a long held suspicion concerning comfort bike owners was confirmed. I strongly believe that when a comfort bike owner encounters a mechanical problem, they will do everything in their power to diagnose and fix it, with the exception of actually looking at their bike.

Welcome!

Bicycle Horrors was started as a way for bike mechanics to showcase the truly horrific disasters that roll into our shops every day. The bikes might be in a condition that is dangerous, ugly, or just bizarre, either way the world needs to see them and rejoice that they exist.